


I search inside my chest for words to tell you

by YallHearSumn



Series: Life's Greatest Blessing and Other Adventures [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers Family, Domestic Fluff, Established Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Growing Old, Growing Up, Light Angst, M/M, Married Couple, Married Life, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Steve Rogers, Parent Tony Stark, Protective Tony Stark, Steve Rogers Feels, Stony - Freeform, Superfamily, Superfamily (Marvel), Tags Are Hard, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, alternative univers - family, empty nest, ironkids, the kids are alright
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 14:30:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19175236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YallHearSumn/pseuds/YallHearSumn
Summary: A long pause, then, “Didn’t we agree four was enough? I very clearly remember us saying that at one point, maybe after dealing with four projectile vomiters” Steve says with a weak laugh, receiving silence as an answer. Putting his tablet on the night stand, he turns to look at Tony's back and sighs, “We can’t just have another kid because you feel obsolete-”“I do not feel obsolete!” Tony interrupts, whirling around and sitting up in bed to face Steve with an angry glare and eyes brimming with tears.





	I search inside my chest for words to tell you

**Author's Note:**

> So my laptop wiped, along with all my WIPs and updates (and uni work:( ) and I've been trying to deal with that and gather the energy to restart so for now, here's a short first chapter to something bigger. I've got chapter 2 drafted (where the summary is from *nudge nudge wink wink*), so upload either later today or tomorrow again. But anyway, hope you enjoy it <3

It’s when Tony’s in the bathroom that he first feels it. He’s getting ready for the day, Steve having gotten the kids up and off to school on his way to the VA, when Tony’s suddenly overcome with this… _empty _feeling throughout his chest as he catches sight of one of Sam’s old bottles of shampoo in the cabinet, shoved to the very back. For a moment he panics, his hand shooting up to where the arc reactor used to be and rubbing over the spot, checking and crosschecking the symptoms of common heart problems with the feeling he had experienced.__

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_ _

He comes up with nothing, this wasn’t pain that paralysed him and kept him trapped in his own body, screaming to be free. This was a _burst _of something else, of an emotion he wasn’t familiar with or couldn’t recognise, his heart had clenched and burned, like it did the first time he held Peter, and the day Harley took his first steps, and the twins first recital, though this time it was tinged with loneliness and loss.__

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_ _

It’s an insignificant, silly little thing really, how could he even feel lonely or as if he lost something? The kids were all still in school, the twins had just started fourth grade and Pete was in high school, Harley had just started soft ball season, they were all here. Tony picked them up from school every day, helped them with their homework, kissed them goodnight with Steve; his stupid mind was just playing tricks on him. Sam hadn’t even used this brand in years, nor had he or Gwen used Steve and Tony’s bathroom since they stopped co-sleeping when they were five.

He shakes the thoughts out of his head, ignoring the tears stinging behind in his eyes, and closes the cabinet doors after getting his razor out.

*

It happens again a few days later when he’s at the grocery store; one of the many good things about scaling back on SI and Avengers business was that he was able to do his own shopping and was able to be a present parent for his children, unlike his own. It also meant that his days became a bit quiet once all the kids had gone off to school and didn’t need to be cared for 24/7, but hey, he finally got around to fixing that ’41 Camaro for Steve’s birthday (after years of it collecting dust in the mansion’s garage) and his productivity was better than ever, even DUM-E and U got some basic upgrades. 

He’s smiling at a baby latched onto his mother’s neck as he stands in the checkout line, trolley filled with the kid’s snacks for the week and an almost excessive amount of proteins and fibers (Pete decided to become a gym bunny over the Summer) when it hits him. The little boy pulls his binkie out and giggles at Tony’s game of peek-a-boo and so suddenly, just like before, he’s overcome with this feeling, this pang of loss. He wants nothing more in that moment than to have a baby in his arms, staring up adoringly at him, in the way this kid does and _his _kids used to when they were little.__

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_ _

_’Oh, so that’s what this is,’ _he thinks tiredly, refraining from letting out a resigned laugh._ _

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Tony has felt this before. When he had been twenty and Rhodey’s sister had her first baby and Tony got to hold him, when he had bought gifts for baby showers (and then promptly given off the task to Pepper after catching himself staring longingly at the baby aisle and buying a pair of baby booties and little socks when he didn’t even have children of his own). It happened when he had Peter, and then when Harley took his first steps, and all fear had leaked away, leaving only joy and a selfish part of him that wanted another child.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! A kudos and comment would be loved, but just you reading the nonsense my brain decides on is already such an honor <3 My siblings are all growing up (littlest one off to school next year), so having primarily raised them I'm going through some emotions lol, can you tell?


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